Lessons In Confidence, Triathlon Style!

guest blogger...

Woohoo!! The day has arrived!  This is Sarah and I'm guest blogging today as Stef tackles the Silverman course in her quest to become a half ironman!

Stef's husband Glenn will be calling me with updates (or I'll call him and bug him. hee.) and I'll be sharing those here with you guys!

You can also check out the Twitter feed --------------------> over there in the sidebar for updates!  We've got you covered!

Stef - I know you are going to have a fabulous day out there.  You've already won the prize for showing up and toeing the line.  Today is just the icing on the cake.  Have fun!

Hell YES!

Best Stef finish photo EVAH!

A New Week

Sunday was a swim. Yesterday was a bike. Today is another swim . . . . I am back in the game.

I realized something yesterday:

The Half Silverman is basically 20 weeks away. I realized that I am nervous. Nervous for Silverman. YES I am!!

At about this time last year I started feeling this same nervousness and my mind started toying with me (Calyx calls this phenomenon the mean voices and I like that term so I may borrow it, here or in future posts), doing its best to convince me that I was tired, I was too busy, I was stressed! When I am tired, overly busy, or stressed, or a combination of one or more of the three, it is very hard for me to put that stuff aside and work out. So last year (similar to last week) my training consistency broke down, I did not eat right, my confidence and motivation plummeted, and the 2007 Half Silverman was a big old DNS. It didn't help that my coach at the time was no help whatsoever with these mental issues. At times I felt she was judging me, which lead me to drop her (like a hot potato!!) when that contract was up and contact Liz, who is light years different in terms of professionalism, programming, and well, EVERYTHING. I have started a dialogue with Liz about how I want to make sure my head is in the right place, because after BAM it is going to be a long hot summer of training training training with no races until the fall. Liz has assured me that, by putting in the hard work, I will get there. I'm not expecting to enjoy all of it but I think by pushing through it the reward will be greater than I can sit here and imagine.

While I don't believe in dwelling overly on the past, my past is a part of me. The Silverman DNS happened, and I cannot erase it. I am looking at it now mostly because I am coming out of a funk, which was started by a very stressful incident (death in the family, followed by emergency travel), but which should be leveled off now. And I have leveled off. My workouts the last couple of days have been fine, my body has felt fresh and rested and I don't feel that I've lost anything, except perhaps some of my nerve. Missing a string of workouts, followed immediately by missing a race (even though that 10k was a last minute addition "C" race) brings all of this baggage back to taunt me.

Intellectually I know that there is nothing "wrong" with missing workouts, for a reason such as a death in the family (for crying out loud), and that there is virtue in bagging a "C" race if you don't feel well (although I'm convinced that the stomach pain I felt the night before was residual stress and that I wasn't really sick), and that priorities will sometimes shift because they have to. But the mean voices could care less about what I know intellectually to be true. And, thus, with their racket in my head, my confidence is riddled with small holes that need to be patched, my brain is filled with worry that I won't train consistently, my body won't be strong enough for that course filled with wind and hills, and, there you have it: my brain kicks into overdrive with entirely too much thinking. About destructive, rather than constructive things.

When this occurs I go back and read my 2006 volunteer report from Silverman. 2006 was the year that I completed my first sprint triathlon, after which I decided to volunteer at Silverman to see what it was all about. In 2005 (Silverman's first year) and 2006 Silverman was a full iron distance race. At the 2006 volunteer meeting, Frank announced that, in 2007 they would add a half distance race. Out on the run course on that cold, somewhat lonely night, watching the athletes run past me, I decided that I wanted to go for the half. It would be very hard and would require a lot of work but I really wanted to do it. Iron was not on my radar then and it is still not now. But a HALF! A half was reachable for me! It would be tough, it would be long but I could do a half. I hired a coach and the rest, they say, is history.

Now, sitting here in mid 2008, when I finally get angry enough to shut the mean voices up and look into my gut, I still want it, more than ever. That race holds a special place in my heart and I want to race it. I HAVE to race it. I know I can do it, and I remind myself that I have been working toward this goal, in one way or another, since the beginning of 2007. I have improved by leaps and bounds. I have all of the tools in place and I know that I can do it. It won't be easy but easy is not what attracted me to it in the first place. What attracted me is 1) crossing that first finish line in a time that has to be one of the longest times on record for a sprint triathlon and 2) seeing those athletes out there on the Silverman run course, and realizing that most of them were "normal" folk, like me, with jobs and lives and responsibilities, yet they dedicated themselves to the awesome, very difficult task of training for this race. I admired them for that and wanted to be able to admire myself in a similar way. I felt the first wave of this self admiration at Rage. And let me tell you IT'S WORTH IT! It's worth every minute of training and the baggage that I bring to training.

I think that if I just stay consistent, listen to my coach, and structure things more or less correctly through the summer and fall, in addition to finishing the race, I'll be able to ditch some of that baggage along the way. That's my goal anyway. HAH. That goal kind of snuck up on me without me realizing it. I'll take on that challenge. J

I’m Over It

Thank you very much for the supportive comments on my last post!  They mean the world to me, as do the friends I have made through blogging.

When I decided to get out of the water on Saturday, I knew in my gut that it was the right decision.  Inevitably, as the day wore on and I got more and more tired, I started to re think things and second guess myself.  I do wish I had completed the race and the disappointment was palpable, but in my gut and my heart I know that I made the best decision for me out there. 

There was no panic involved (thanks Sean for making that point I hadn't really focused on that).  In fact I didn't panic at all at any time!  Nervous, yes.  Panic, NO!   And I've panicked before in much less chop than that.  Hell last year if the water had looked like that I would not have gotten in.  I'll take my result over a DNS any day of the week.

And my day was not over once I was out of the water.  NO WAY!  After getting changed and stowing my gear in the truck I spent the morning cheering for Izaac – CONGRATULATIONS dude!  Way to finish a course that ended up being WAY tougher than we anticipated!  It was also fun to cheer for the many Las Vegas Triathlon Club jerseys I saw out there.  That jersey really stands out with its blue color and design.  The club did a fantastic job designing it.  I must admit I enjoyed the smiles I got upon yelling "yeah Las Vegas" when those guys and gals passed by on the bike and the run.

So now I get to prepare for my "A" Olympic race of the year, the Battle At Midway, or BAM.  I think it's so funny that two of my races this year are named Rage and BAM!  I suspect that the water at BAM will be a bit colder than I'm used to but I'm just not going to worry about that right now! 

This week is a rest week and, believe me, I don't mind!  By the end of Saturday I felt tired and drained without having raced. 

Coach said I could do a running race this coming weekend if I wanted but I haven't found one that appeals to me so I'm not going to worry about it.

Hope everyone has a great week!  J

Sunday Thoughts

Even though I've had four races already, it's hard to believe that racing season is HERE. I have another Olympic tri coming up in two short weeks. Not sure what goals I'm going to set for it yet. I do want to better my Rage time by first and foremost concentrating on the run. First and foremost there will be to run the whole 10k, even if it's just a shuffle. Rage taught me so much and I feel like I really want to capitalize on what I've learned to put together a tighter, quicker race.

That being said, the St. George course is different. I believe it is quite a bit flatter than Rage (except for one 8% grade hill that goes on for about a mile early in the bike course). I am looking forward to trying out a different course. For a long time I thought that I would not want to race except locally because I am familiar with the courses around here. My perspective on that has changed though. Now that I know I can put together and finish an Olympic distance race I am looking forward to racing elsewhere. Heck my "A" Olympic distance race is in Midway, Utah! I have never even been there! I signed up for that race kind of on a whim. I saw the website and it completely drew me in as a great "destination" event. Plus I love the name of the race: The Battle At Midway. Anyway, more on that later.

I was totally going for a PR in my race yesterday and it didn't happen. However, I am over it. There will be plenty more races for me to PR in. One of the advantages to being a fairly new athlete is that there are plenty of opportunities to PR which is way cool. However, anyone can PR, at any age, and at any time. Anyone who is gunning for their next PR should go to Jennifer Harrison's site, click on the journal entry "Age: Just a number" and read away. Jennifer is my coach's coach. Reading "Age: Just a number" made me bawl like a baby – TWICE. It really put things into an astounding new perspective for me.

Happy Weekend – what's left of it. J

Rage 5 Race Report – This Was The One!!

Rage 5 Triathlon

Lake Mead National Recreation Area

April 19, 2008

1500 meter swim

25 mile bike

6.2 mile run

Pre Race

I was uncharacteristically calm the day before this race.

But when I was also calm the morning of, I knew this race would be "different." I was about to erase last season for good.

Glenn was still a bit under the weather from the bug we caught in New York and he had a race of his own (the yacht club Silver Cup Regatta) to do later in the morning. So, he had a complete pass from coming with me. It would be the first time I went to a race without him.

The ½ Iron athletes were starting at 6:00, and the Olympic athletes were starting at 7:00. I left the house at 5:45 and was down in the park, waiting impatiently for the booth operator to move my line of traffic (while watching the line next to me move through seamlessly) at 5:55. Reached the race site and was unloading my bike by about 6:05. I heard the announcer say something about transition only being open for another 20 minutes.

OH hell I thought transition was open until 6:40!

Momentary panic ensued, and then vanished. I knew I had plenty of time.

I grabbed my bags and my bike and carried everything over two parking lots that consisted of dirt, sagebrush and stone. The transition area looked impossibly long and I wondered how I was going to find a spot quickly while lugging all of my gear. Noticed that the racks were marked with numbers so I looked for numbers that were close to mine, found my rack, hoisted my bike and gear over the barricade and climbed over myself.

There was plenty of room on the rack and I got the spot next to the barricade. I liked it because it gave me a bit of extra room between the bike and the barricade. It took me no time at all to set up my transition area (I had practiced the night before) and I was starting to get excited! Before long I was ready to head down to the water.

The Sprint athletes were starting at 6:40, and I was there among everyone watching them start. From shore it was hard to tell what our course was so I asked a volunteer. She explained that we needed to swim out to the second green buoy and turn right, swim to the far orange buoy, and then come in. Sounded simple enough but I couldn't exactly see the orange buoys and the second green buoy looked very small in the distance. Guess I would figure it out when I got out there. J

I got in the water, warmed up and could not believe how great the water felt. Perfect really. Nice and cool, calm, perfect for a long swim. I had no issues whatsoever with the warm up – swam out pretty far, then came back, got out, and waited.

The Swim

After the gun went off I took three deep breaths and started. I was perfectly seeded, at the back of the pack. There were people around me, but virtually no contact. I was able to get into a rhythm right away and relax and breathe. I even breathed BILATERALLY every third stroke! YES I DID! I probably did that for over half the swim. It is so advantageous . . . I would look right, see the mountains, maybe a cap or two, look to the left, see more caps, the other set of mountains. Occasionally I would see one of the kayaks.

Sighting was a chore at first and it was hard to see the buoys because of the sun. So at first I sighted on the main group ahead and used the caps on my left as indicators I was on the right track. The further I swam the easier and more natural my sighting became and I got more comfortable with it.

The most fun part of the swim (of the whole race really) came when I realized I could no longer see the bottom. I teared up a little at that point as I realized I had never ever been out that far. All of the anguish of last season and the hard work of this season were worth it, right there, in that moment when the bottom disappeared from view.

When I reached the second green buoy and made the right turn the swim groups seemed to have stretched out. The main group had distanced itself further out in front, there were some others scattered behind the main group, and the group I was swimming with was a bit smaller. Once I reached the orange buoy and turned to swim toward shore I saw that there was a neat line of orange buoys leading straight in. SWEET!!

I swam until my hand hit the bottom and stood up. Swayed a little, got my bearings, and then made my way out of the water and up to transition.

T1

The walk up to my bike was long. Transition was one big long rectangle that was very, well . . . long. About halfway up I ran into Form, who was on his way out to do his run! Yay Form! He did the Sprint, and was looking strong off the bike. After a quick hug and some screeching on my part, I was at my bike. Transition was smooth.

The Bike

Getting on the bike I felt tentative, and a little wobbly. Not an unsafe, not sure I can continue kind of wobbly, but wobbly nonetheless. There was a slight incline right out of transition and, believe me, I felt that incline in my granny gear! Once out on the course I got into my groove and followed my plan. Stayed in what felt like zone 2 and took in my nutrition according to plan.

Since I was one of the last out of the water, I did wonder how far behind I was, and whether I was last, but was able to keep focused and not dwell on it. When I found myself thinking negatively I would immediately replace the negative thought with something else, like getting more nutrition in, checking my cadence, or marveling at the beautiful scenery. Evil thoughts were kept at bay through focusing on the ride, staying in the moment, and enjoying the course in a way I never have before! There was a nice breeze and the weather was perfect!!

The wind kicked up in earnest at around mile 5. It was not too bad going out, but coming back it made for a pretty stiff headwind most of the way. The first turnaround was just after mile 10. Returning was easier than going out except for one 8% grade hill that goes on for awhile. Once I was up that (the wind notwithstanding) it was not so bad, until the final climb of the course. It was at mile 22, straight into the wind, on another substantial grade (not sure of the exact measurement), past the transition, up past the park guard gate – it was BRUTAL. And the wind WAS NOT HELPING.

I saw a girl ahead of me walking her bike up the hill and was tempted to do the same. Had to really talk myself into powering up that hill – but I did it. Out of the saddle, no walking allowed! It was so hard, and I was SO RELIEVED to reach that second turnaround! The last two miles were screaming downhill during which I spent a good bit of time catching my breath, braking, and concentrating on riding smooth – tried not to brake too much, but hey, I'm still a tentative descender! Additional skill and bravery will come with time and practice.

T2

Form and Kelly were sitting with some other spectators on a shady corner as I rode past. SO glad to see them there, SO glad to hear my name shouted and SO glad to be done with the bike! T2 was smooth.

The Run

I started the run wearing my fuel belt and running at a toddler's pace. Within the first half mile I was walking. I drank water from the fuel belt, and also had my salt tabs and gel in there. But the belt was annoying me so much that (after taking the salt and the gel) I ditched it at the mile 1 marker. Decided I do not want to wear it for Olympic distance races in the future. I can carry salt tabs and a spare gel in a pocket and rely on the course for fuel.

A quick assessment revealed that I was feeling a bit intimidated by the heat, the wind, and the fact that I had just biked 25 miles and had five more to run. Physically I felt pretty decent, which means my nutrition plan worked and I am well trained. My legs were heavy, they were uncomfortable, and they didn't want to run but they could have run had I made them. My mental game was starting to unravel.

I would estimate I walked at least half the course, including the brutal, sandy, silty, gravelly hill around mile 2-3 that seemed to go on forever! It was in a "canyon" of sorts where there was no wind, so the heat, even though it was only the low 80s, felt oppressive. Reaching the turnaround at the top of that hill was such a relief! I spent entirely too much time wondering when I was going to get there, as I was walking and not running! I ran down that hill, walked up, and then ran down the other hill, and jogged through about half of the flat section.

So, the run was slow, and there was some mental unraveling. But you know what, I was SO EXCITED TO BE THERE, SO EXCITED TO FINISH, that I still found myself tearing up with tears of joy, and enjoyed watching the sailboats, (with my husband on one of them) racing out on the windy water. I also enjoyed the words of encouragement from many of the ½ iron athletes that passed me. Most of them said "good job," which was awesome, and that level and distance of racing is definitely something I aspire to! Not too fond of being constantly passed, but it's all part of the game. We are all out there on the same course, doing the same sport, but running our own race.

When the finish line came into view I picked up the pace to a jog. Stopped to retrieve my fuel belt and jogged in, finishing a few seconds behind a ½ iron athlete. Form and Kelly were there! It was so great to see them, to hear my name cheered AGAIN, get my FIRST OLYMPIC DISTANCE FINISHERS MEDAL, and immediately fill them in on how BRUTAL that hill at mile 2-3 was (LOL). J

The results are not yet posted (at least not that I can find) so I can't post my splits here. When the results do go up I may post them later and anyone who really wants to know can look them up and easily get the information. My unofficial finishing time was slower than I anticipated, but it doesn't matter.

This race was a breakthrough. I DID IT!!! It was truly "The One." Things came together for me in this race in a way that simply never happened last season. From the moment that the gun went off, I knew this race would be different. And sure enough, it WAS!!! For that I am so happy and grateful and excited!! Last season is erased with finality now and I cannot wait to take what I have learned here and improve my game for the SG Tri on May 10.

Have a great week everyone!!

I DID IT!

I finished!!!  Little did I know, after the disappointments and setbacks of last season, that Rage 5 would end up being "The One." 

My first olympic distance triathlon FINISH!!!

It is a great day here in Stef's world.

The best part of the day:  The Swim (yes REALLY). 

Worst:  The Run.  That course was BRUTAL.  It was hot, hilly, windy and hot.  And hilly. 

The bike was good.  Could have done without the headwind on the way back, but the bike was solid.

I have no idea what my splits were.  I finished with some of the half iron athletes so it wasn't the quickest.  But when I thought that to myself on the course, I crushed that thought with this thought: WHO CARES, I ROCK ANYWAY. 

I went there to have fun.

I had fun!!!!!!!

I will post a detailed race report later.  I need to eat (AGAIN) and I'm losing my voice (what a surprise). 

Feeling GREAT!

Pre Race Thoughts

Rage 5 is tomorrow!!

7:00am mass start for those of us doing the Olympic distance.

The past ten days have been a bit of a roller coaster what with travel, getting sick, getting home, and life in general.

In a nutshell though, these are my thoughts:

The bad news: my cough kept me up part of the night last night and was still there when I woke up this morning. The good news: the cough is the only symptom remaining of whatever it was that I got in New York and it is on its way out. Because I said so!

This morning Glenn and I went down to the lake so I could do a practice swim. It. Was. Awesome! Out to the buoy and back in six minutes! I don't know exactly how far the buoy is, but it's far enough for me to be happy with that pace, which I believe I can hold, as a minimum pace, for the entire 1500! It took until I was almost to the buoy to feel warmed up and after breast stroking for a couple of strokes I could feel my freestyle form change for the better. This tells me I need to get in the water before the start and warm up for 5-10 minutes. Check!

The water itself felt wonderful! Temperature is in the low 60s and after the initial getting in and letting the water seep into the wetsuit I would call the temperature almost ideal.

Later I plan to take the bike out for an EZ spin around the neighborhood, go pick up my race packet, and make sure I rest and eat for the rest of the day.

I am uncharacteristically calm, especially since my workouts have been pretty much nil since getting sick in New York.

This is a good thing!

Although I have estimated times based on my training that put a finishing time at around 3:30, I am not setting any goals for this race (other than my 40 minute swim goal which I am not going to worry about), other than to finish strong and confident. A time goal is not appropriate for this race.

My plan is to stay in the moment and immerse myself in the race atmosphere and experience. For the swim I will seed myself in the back, take a couple of breaths after the gun goes off, and go for it! On the bike I will ride the first half conservative (zone 2ish) and the second half a bit harder (zone 3 ish). For the run, I will take the first two miles letting my legs settle in and then go up from there. My nutrition and hydration plan is in place and practiced.

It's go time.

Crossing that finish line is going to be sweet!!

Thanks to everyone who has sent me good wishes, it means so much. Best of luck to everyone doing Rage tomorrow, I hope to see you out there!

Oh and Cindy has tagged me – thanks Cindy! I will do a tag responsive post over the weekend. J

Pushy!

After Six Tunnels, I know that I can push myself harder. More importantly, I want to. But what does the phrase "push harder" mean exactly?

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Instant Replay, the Green Bay Diary of Jerry Kramer, in which Kramer writes about Vince Lombardi saying:

Gentlemen, today we start the big push.

Lombardi repeated that phrase throughout the Packers' 1967 season as he continually pushed his players, hard, all the way to their third straight NFL title, a feat which was unheard of in the late 1960s.

It is amazing, what we can learn from the best of the best, no matter what the context. With an open mind and open heart, we can apply these lessons to any area of our lives where we want to achieve more, or simply be happier.

Since I am not out to win an NFL Championship, what does pushing harder mean for me?

It means I can set goals that are more challenging. For Six Tunnels, my "realistic" goal was 2:45 and my "awesome" goal was 2:30. I ran the race in 2:37:15 and had plenty in the tank to spare at the finish line. Hindsight shows that 2:30 would have been a good (albeit tougher) "realistic" goal and 2:15 would have been a good "awesome" goal. Either of those times would have required more push and more pain, but I know without a doubt in my mind, that I had it in me to push and make one or both of those times. It took a good race for me to see that possibility (and beyond).

Going forward, then, how do I push myself harder? Pushing myself in sport scares me. I am not sure what I am most afraid of, the pain or the potential for success beyond my wildest dreams. Both are pretty scary.

I work best with specific parameters. And I know my weakness. So I have committed to push myself hard in my swim workouts between now and my race on April 19. Give it all I have.

And, I am going to set a time goal for the swim. I want to be out of the water in 40 minutes. Honestly, it sucks to write this down, because 40 minutes is awfully slow for 1500 meters. I know, because I have looked at results. And the results almost uniformly show that 40 minutes is slow. Excruciatingly slow. Mind bogglingly slow.

I had to say it and repeat it several times okay? Training and racing is not all rainbows and unicorns and sometimes I find if I just write down what my brain spews out it is easier to move on and get to the real task at hand. So I've said it. 40 minutes is slow. But it is light years from where I was in my first triathlon, it is faster than last year's 1500m, it is my goal and I'm going to achieve it.

Here is how I arrived at the goal and why I think it is realistic:

1. My first Olympic triathlon last year ended with a DNF in calm water. Mental issues. Couldn't deal. Flagged a kayak and was taken into shore.

    

2. My second Olympic triathlon last year I swam the 1500 in 50 minutes, on a hot day, in water that was 80+ degrees, with no wetsuit.

    

3. My pool workouts are going well.

    

4. Lake Mead is crisp, clear, and downright refreshing right now. Rage is a wetsuit swim. While my own personal opinion on swimming with vs. without a wetsuit is still undecided, I know that the wetsuit helps with buoyancy. Although my arms seem to get more tired in my wetsuit, I really do not think it will slow me down; rather I think it will help me be a bit speedier. Coach suggested I think of the wetsuit as a helping hand pushing me along (good idea I am going to use it!).

    

5. I am attending some group workouts, both in the pool and in open water, which will help to gain the additional confidence I need to swim in a race setting.

    

Honestly, 40 minutes will be pushing it. I kid you NOT. Assuming that I execute well on the elements that I can control, such as sighting, breathing, and mental focus, dealing with the elements that I can't control (weather, water conditions, and other racers) scares me. But actually what scares me the most is something that is within my control. What scares me the most is that I will burn out, expend all my energy to swim that 1500, I will be dizzy and woozy and absolutely spent, have nothing left for the bike and the run, and come in dead last, behind even those athletes doing the ½ iron distance. There I said it. Ridiculous as it is, I said it.

 

My biggest fear with swimming, aside from, but closely related to being excruciatingly slow, is tiring myself out to the point of being rendered useless for anything that comes after. Even though I have tested this theory in the pool and found it to be baseless. I am always more "tired" (if you can even call it tired) the first quarter to half of a pool workout than for the balance of the workout. If I force myself to keep going (which I do, even when doing so angers and annoys me), I get a second wind. Sometimes it takes awhile to hit me but it always does.

 

So there you have it – my first attempt to define pushing myself with "help" from my inner Crazy. At least I am aware of what can hold me back on race day; I am also aware that I have it in me to push a lot harder. And I intend to be a pushy bitch on race day.

One Day At A Time

My Mom used to talk about taking one day at a time when things got tough.  My mom was tough.  Very strong.  And very wise.

This week seems to be one of those weeks where I just need to take one day at a time. 

I have a hypoxic swim workout on tap for today and I am nervous about it.  Why can't I stop being nervous for once and JUST DO IT.

I am obsessing (again) at how slow I am in swimming biking and running.  Why can't I just Get Over It? 

A wise woman (my Coach) advised me earlier this week to not make myself crazy with perfect expectations.  That it is okay to do my best and fall short of perfect.  That made me feel better.  For about five minutes.

Just need to take a breath and keep going.  I will be fine.  I am still on track with my training even though at times it doesn't always feel like it. 

Coach wrote an article recently called Seven Highly Ineffective Habits of Triathletes.  Right now I am guilty of the third one, which is Getting In Your Own Way.  Cool.  I am aware of it.  I admit it.  Now I need to fix it.